29 May 2009

So Fingerprint Me!

Here's another advantage to typing up to fourteen hours a day - or bricklaying, or working with lime, or handling paper constantly, or taking a common anti-cancer drug: you'll either have no fingerprints at all or they'll be too shallow to be definable. That is, you'll have fingertips just like mine!

Found out about my smooth digits six years ago when I applied for a new ID document. As part of the requirements, had to visit the local RCMP detachment to get my fingerprints taken. Submitting the application didn't have to wait on the results, so I mailed it off pronto.

Well, lo and behold!, during the intervening period I received a letter from the RCMP that stated the following:

We were unable to verify the fingerprints submitted due to their poor quality...

Your fingerprint characteristics may not be conducive to reproducing high quality impressions. Therefore, in the absence of a certified fingerprint verification, we have conducted a name and date of birth search only against the Canadian Police Information Centre. This name and date of birth search was negative.

Given that my new ID document soon followed in the mail, I surmised that the "negative" mention in the RCMP report meant my name hadn't triggered a hit in their police records.

Which is embarrassing. After all, I'm almost 59 years old, a child of the sixties, a former ward of the state, etc., etc., etc., and I've NEVER caused enough of a ruckus to have come to the attention of police?!

Clearly, there's work to do and I've the smooth fingertips with which to do it! However, should I begin a life of 'crime' (one need only protest the status quo or mention "Homeland Security" to get on said department's shriek! list), it will not involve crossing borders or flying airplanes.

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